One of my favorite quotes is "Enjoy the little things in life, because one day you may look back and realize that they were the big things."
We had our 25 week ultrasound today. Once again, it was amazing to see our little peanut on the screen. What made that even more amazing and special was that this was the first time Gia has ever been in the room to see an ultrasound up close and personal. She was in awe of the baby moving around. We even thought the baby was sucking its' thumb. The ultrasound tech wrote a little "Hi Gia" on the picture that she printed out for her so she really got a kick out of that. It doesn't matter how many times I see that heartbeat, it is breathtaking each and every time.
We've developed quite a relationship with the ultrasound lady (I guess I should find out her name one of these times). She's always so friendly and kind. She took the pictures and measurements and called the doctor in. He told us that the mass grew slightly. He said this is nothing to worry about right now. On a positive note, the mass grew...but the baby grew too, so we shouldn't worry too much.
There was no sign of hydrops which is the biggest concern that there is with a BPS. Hydrops is when the mass or surrounding area fills with fluid. It is not only life threatening for the baby, but for the mother as well. Thank goodness we don't need to worry about that.
The "little thing" that I am grateful for today is that even though the mass grew, our baby grew too. The heartbeat is strong and we are one step closer to meeting our precious little one. What little thing are you grateful for today? :)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Here Comes the Sun
After our initial appointment at CHOP, I tried to find people who could relate to us or had been in a similar situation, but I couldn't find too much out there. There was one mother who created a blog to share her family's story. It inspired me and gave me hope. I was so thankful for finding her. I want to give others hope when they are down and one way that I thought I'd be able to do that would be by sharing our story. (Thank you to Love1106 on babycenter.com for sharing your journey!)
We went to CHOP on September 9, 2010. It was the day that felt like it would never come. We had to be there at 8:30 in the morning. After checking in, there were some muffins, fruit, coffee, and tea that we could help ourselves to. I couldn't eat anything that morning because my stomach was in knots. I got called back relatively quickly. The first test was the fetal MRI. It was just like any other MRI...if you're claustrophobic, you won't be a fan of it. I started getting emotional by this point. Laying there in the tube, all by myself, wondering what the outcome of the day would bring us...it was not easy. I developed a new appreciation and love of Billy Joel. The nurse gave me headphones to put on to help disguise the loud noises of the machine. I kept thinking of a boy named Tristan, a "success story" that I read about online. I was thinking of his mom and that gave me the strength to get through the claustrophobia and anxiety that were taking over me.
Next, I had the echocardiogram which is similar to an ultrasound but it takes a closer look at the heart. We then had a break for lunch and were directed to the cafeteria. This place had better options than the food court at the mall! As well as ice cream for dessert, which made me one very happy camper. :)
We returned to the waiting room around 1:15 and waited until about 2:00 before being called back for the last test of the day--the ultrasound. The guy who performed this testing was one of the friendliest we had met all day. I really felt that he answered all of our questions and took time to explain things to us. He was the first one to tell us that he thought the mass was a BPS and not a CCAM. He brought in the physician to confirm what he saw. We still would not have any final answers until the consultation which was set to take place at 4:30. (Thank you, Chris...one of the first ones who helped to set our minds at ease.)
At 4pm, the clock played "Here Comes the Sun." This sure did feel like a sign to me. Without giving away too much just yet, "Sun" is one of the meanings of the name that we chose if we have another little girl.
After waiting all day to hear the results, we were called back into the consultation room. We had to wait for the pediatric surgeon, but we had a nurse coordinator and the high risk OB with us. The high risk doctor asked me what I had known about our baby's condition. Seriously? This was not easy for me. Thinking about it was one thing, but putting it into words was another. Knowing that she knew where we stood at that point but we did not, was not easy. I explained all that I had known about the lung mass.
She stopped me at "fetal surgery" and said we are no where near being even close to have to think about that! She said that the mass was small, very small and that the outcome would most definitely be a positive one. When the pediatric surgeon joined us, she reassured us that the mass was small and would need to be monitored every 2 weeks to check on its' growth.
Jim was ecstatic...I was grumpy, exhausted, and not relieved in the slightest. I kept thinking 'there's still something wrong with our baby, the baby will still need surgery...' I think the only thing that would have made me as relieved as he was would have been to hear the news that the mass miraculously disappeared. In my mind, I was still thinking "in most cases, everything is fine." Well then, what about the other cases? I heard the doctor's voice echoing in the back of my mind "There's still a risk any time anesthesia is involved." "What if...what if...what if???"
The mass grew slightly from the time we had the 20 week ultrasound until the very next week when we had the appointment at CHOP. That was also weighing heavily on my mind. These masses typically grow until week 28 of pregnancy. They are usually found at the 20 week ultrasound. It was scary to me that it grew in a week, no matter how "miniscule" the growth was. If this was something that was to be monitored every 2 weeks, how much more would it grow by our next ultrasound?
September 23 was the date that we had another follow-up ultrasound. And guess what, great news! The mass did not grow at all. It was identical to the size that it was 2 weeks before. Thank you to everyone for your prayers! I believe they are working.
We are now at week 25 and have yet another ultrasound tomorrow (10/7/10). I savor all of these moments that we get to see our little angel baby, but I wish it were for a different reason. Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming. We appreciate them more than you know! We are grateful for each and every one.
To find out more about a BPS or CCAM, click on this link: Bronchopulmonary sequestration and Congenital Cystic Adenomatoid | The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia
Here is the story of Tristan:
http://childrenshospitalblog.org/one-familys-story-our-unborn-babys-birth-defect
And here is the blog that inspired me to start my very own: http://thefailingfam.blogspot.com/2009_04_01_archive.html
We went to CHOP on September 9, 2010. It was the day that felt like it would never come. We had to be there at 8:30 in the morning. After checking in, there were some muffins, fruit, coffee, and tea that we could help ourselves to. I couldn't eat anything that morning because my stomach was in knots. I got called back relatively quickly. The first test was the fetal MRI. It was just like any other MRI...if you're claustrophobic, you won't be a fan of it. I started getting emotional by this point. Laying there in the tube, all by myself, wondering what the outcome of the day would bring us...it was not easy. I developed a new appreciation and love of Billy Joel. The nurse gave me headphones to put on to help disguise the loud noises of the machine. I kept thinking of a boy named Tristan, a "success story" that I read about online. I was thinking of his mom and that gave me the strength to get through the claustrophobia and anxiety that were taking over me.
Next, I had the echocardiogram which is similar to an ultrasound but it takes a closer look at the heart. We then had a break for lunch and were directed to the cafeteria. This place had better options than the food court at the mall! As well as ice cream for dessert, which made me one very happy camper. :)
We returned to the waiting room around 1:15 and waited until about 2:00 before being called back for the last test of the day--the ultrasound. The guy who performed this testing was one of the friendliest we had met all day. I really felt that he answered all of our questions and took time to explain things to us. He was the first one to tell us that he thought the mass was a BPS and not a CCAM. He brought in the physician to confirm what he saw. We still would not have any final answers until the consultation which was set to take place at 4:30. (Thank you, Chris...one of the first ones who helped to set our minds at ease.)
At 4pm, the clock played "Here Comes the Sun." This sure did feel like a sign to me. Without giving away too much just yet, "Sun" is one of the meanings of the name that we chose if we have another little girl.
After waiting all day to hear the results, we were called back into the consultation room. We had to wait for the pediatric surgeon, but we had a nurse coordinator and the high risk OB with us. The high risk doctor asked me what I had known about our baby's condition. Seriously? This was not easy for me. Thinking about it was one thing, but putting it into words was another. Knowing that she knew where we stood at that point but we did not, was not easy. I explained all that I had known about the lung mass.
She stopped me at "fetal surgery" and said we are no where near being even close to have to think about that! She said that the mass was small, very small and that the outcome would most definitely be a positive one. When the pediatric surgeon joined us, she reassured us that the mass was small and would need to be monitored every 2 weeks to check on its' growth.
Jim was ecstatic...I was grumpy, exhausted, and not relieved in the slightest. I kept thinking 'there's still something wrong with our baby, the baby will still need surgery...' I think the only thing that would have made me as relieved as he was would have been to hear the news that the mass miraculously disappeared. In my mind, I was still thinking "in most cases, everything is fine." Well then, what about the other cases? I heard the doctor's voice echoing in the back of my mind "There's still a risk any time anesthesia is involved." "What if...what if...what if???"
The mass grew slightly from the time we had the 20 week ultrasound until the very next week when we had the appointment at CHOP. That was also weighing heavily on my mind. These masses typically grow until week 28 of pregnancy. They are usually found at the 20 week ultrasound. It was scary to me that it grew in a week, no matter how "miniscule" the growth was. If this was something that was to be monitored every 2 weeks, how much more would it grow by our next ultrasound?
September 23 was the date that we had another follow-up ultrasound. And guess what, great news! The mass did not grow at all. It was identical to the size that it was 2 weeks before. Thank you to everyone for your prayers! I believe they are working.
We are now at week 25 and have yet another ultrasound tomorrow (10/7/10). I savor all of these moments that we get to see our little angel baby, but I wish it were for a different reason. Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming. We appreciate them more than you know! We are grateful for each and every one.
To find out more about a BPS or CCAM, click on this link: Bronchopulmonary sequestration and Congenital Cystic Adenomatoid | The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia
Here is the story of Tristan:
http://childrenshospitalblog.org/one-familys-story-our-unborn-babys-birth-defect
And here is the blog that inspired me to start my very own: http://thefailingfam.blogspot.com/2009_04_01_archive.html
I never thought I would blog. Ever.
until August 22, 2010.
I am the mother of two beautiful girls, Gia (7) and Kara (8 months.) I have a wonderful husband, Jim who is my best friend, the most patient dad in the world, and a huge Eagles fan. I never thought I had anything really worth sharing...until August 22, 2010.
On that hot summer day, I was 5 months pregnant with our third child. Jim and I were going in for our 20 week ultrasound. With my other two children, I was on the edge of my seat with suspense and couldn't wait to find out the gender. This time, realizing that this might possibly be the last time I would ever be pregnant again, I really wanted to be wait and be surprised. I am the most impatient person in the world. Knowing that someone else would know the gender--before me--seemed like one of the hardest things that I would ever go through! I made it though...and was very proud of myself!
At the end of the ultrasound, the tech told us that it would just be a short time that we would have to wait for the doctor to look over it and get back to us. Well, fifteen minutes passed, then a half hour, forty-five minutes...I was getting worried. The tech came in twice to tell us that the doctor got involved in some kind of emergency procedure and that he would be in shortly. I said to Jim, "If everything was fine, they would just let us go." He said that I should not worry until we had a reason to worry.
An hour and a half later, the doctor came back and said what no one wants to hear: "I don't want to alarm you, but I think I saw something on the ultrasound that I need to look at a little more closely." Of course, that translated to me as 'something is wrong.' I got back on the table and he performed the ultrasound. He began asking questions which made me even more nervous--"Do you have other children?" "Are they healthy?" "Did you get the triple screen done?"
He told us that he saw a mass on the lung and we would need to go to The Children's Hospital in Pennsylvania for further evaluation. He said that this mass was small and *in most cases* everything would be fine and the baby would grow up to be perfectly healthy. He gave us the worst case scenario: surgery on the baby while it is in utero. And the best case scenario: surgery after the baby is born.
I was devastated. I was a nervous wreck. I was scared to death for my teeny, tiny, innocent baby. We left the office through the back door and walked to the car. I couldn't talk, couldn't think about anything else for the entire ride home. Jim called our mothers to tell them and I called my dad. I didn't want to talk to anyone because I was so fearful and kept thinking the worst.
The mass would either be a CCAM (Congenital Cystic Adenomatoid Malformation) or BPS (Bronchopulmonary Sequestration). Both are extremely rare...so why us? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Apparently, nothing. I came to find out later that this is just something that happens for no reason whatsoever.
My doctors were wonderful. They called me back that day to check in on us and reassure us that CHOP was the best place to be going for this. It seemed odd to me, but I was comforted in the fact that they took the time out to call and say they care.
We waited hours for the call from CHOP to make the appointment. The appointment was set for the following Thursday, September 9, 2010. We were told that it would be a full day of tests--a fetal MRI, fetal echocardiogram, and another ultrasound. We would meet at the end of the day with the team of doctors (high risk OB/GYN, pediatric surgeon) and discuss the results. This all seemed overwhelming and the wait until Thursday was dreadful. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole week and I cried at the drop of a hat with the thought that something was wrong with our baby.
CHOP informed us that their website was full of information and videos, but not to Google anything else. I heeded their warning; Jim did not. When he wants to know something, he wants to know everything there is to know about it. He said that he felt like he knew more about this condition than most doctors do.
As hard as it was, we had no choice but to wait until that appointment at CHOP. We kept hearing from everyone that CHOP was the best place we could be going. All that kept playing in my mind, like a tape recorder, was *in most cases.*
I have to mention how supportive and amazing our friends and family have been, not to mention my coworkers. How lucky we are to be blessed and surrounded with so many wonderful, understanding, and caring family and friends. Gia has handled this better than I could ever expect her to. When I get upset, she does whatever she can to cheer me up. She reminds me to think of happier things, like ice cream cones and silly faces.
All that we can do now is take it one step at a time and know that what is meant to be, will be.
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