I never thought I would blog. Ever.

until August 22, 2010.

I am the mother of two beautiful girls, Gia (7) and Kara (8 months.) I have a wonderful husband, Jim who is my best friend, the most patient dad in the world, and a huge Eagles fan. I never thought I had anything really worth sharing...until August 22, 2010.

On that hot summer day, I was 5 months pregnant with our third child. Jim and I were going in for our 20 week ultrasound. With my other two children, I was on the edge of my seat with suspense and couldn't wait to find out the gender. This time, realizing that this might possibly be the last time I would ever be pregnant again, I really wanted to be wait and be surprised. I am the most impatient person in the world. Knowing that someone else would know the gender--before me--seemed like one of the hardest things that I would ever go through! I made it though...and was very proud of myself!

At the end of the ultrasound, the tech told us that it would just be a short time that we would have to wait for the doctor to look over it and get back to us. Well, fifteen minutes passed, then a half hour, forty-five minutes...I was getting worried. The tech came in twice to tell us that the doctor got involved in some kind of emergency procedure and that he would be in shortly. I said to Jim, "If everything was fine, they would just let us go." He said that I should not worry until we had a reason to worry.

An hour and a half later, the doctor came back and said what no one wants to hear: "I don't want to alarm you, but I think I saw something on the ultrasound that I need to look at a little more closely." Of course, that translated to me as 'something is wrong.' I got back on the table and he performed the ultrasound. He began asking questions which made me even more nervous--"Do you have other children?" "Are they healthy?" "Did you get the triple screen done?"

He told us that he saw a mass on the lung and we would need to go to The Children's Hospital in Pennsylvania for further evaluation. He said that this mass was small and *in most cases* everything would be fine and the baby would grow up to be perfectly healthy. He gave us the worst case scenario: surgery on the baby while it is in utero. And the best case scenario: surgery after the baby is born.

I was devastated. I was a nervous wreck. I was scared to death for my teeny, tiny, innocent baby. We left the office through the back door and walked to the car. I couldn't talk, couldn't think about anything else for the entire ride home. Jim called our mothers to tell them and I called my dad. I didn't want to talk to anyone because I was so fearful and kept thinking the worst.

The mass would either be a CCAM (Congenital Cystic Adenomatoid Malformation) or BPS (Bronchopulmonary Sequestration). Both are extremely rare...so why us? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Apparently, nothing. I came to find out later that this is just something that happens for no reason whatsoever.

My doctors were wonderful.  They called me back that day to check in on us and reassure us that CHOP was the best place to be going for this. It seemed odd to me, but I was comforted in the fact that they took the time out to call and say they care.

We waited hours for the call from CHOP to make the appointment. The appointment was set for the following Thursday, September 9, 2010. We were told that it would be a full day of tests--a fetal MRI, fetal echocardiogram, and another ultrasound. We would meet at the end of the day with the team of doctors (high risk OB/GYN, pediatric surgeon) and discuss the results. This all seemed overwhelming and the wait until Thursday was dreadful. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole week and I cried at the drop of a hat with the thought that something was wrong with our baby.

CHOP informed us that their website was full of information and videos, but not to Google anything else. I heeded their warning; Jim did not. When he wants to know something, he wants to know everything there is to know about it. He said that he felt like he knew more about this condition than most doctors do.

As hard as it was, we had no choice but to wait until that appointment at CHOP. We kept hearing from everyone that CHOP was the best place we could be going. All that kept playing in my mind, like a tape recorder, was *in most cases.*

I have to mention how supportive and amazing our friends and family have been, not to mention my coworkers. How lucky we are to be blessed and surrounded with so many wonderful, understanding, and caring family and friends. Gia has handled this better than I could ever expect her to. When I get upset, she does whatever she can to cheer me up. She reminds me to think of happier things, like ice cream cones and silly faces.

All that we can do now is take it one step at a time and know that what is meant to be, will be.